A Changed World
by cmg42
Summary: Sequel to Friendship and Memories.Bella and Edward are starting their lives together when they are faced with some challenges. Edward finds himself making decisions he never thought he would make, and realizes that even the best decisions have consequence
1. Prologue

Prologue

We stood as still as statues as the winter snow swirled around us. We were the only ones there. Even on a day like today, people didn't feel like going out in the cold.

Her nose was a ruby red color, I could feel my own freezing up. I held her warm hand in my own, the only thing that was keeping me from slipping away. I looked over at her, her brown hair flapping around her face. I couldn't see what exactly she was staring at, but I knew she was upset.

I knew it was days like today when she hated me the most. Maybe she didn't know she had those strong feelings towards me, but I knew just by looking at those big doe like eyes. I wanted to say I was sorry. I wanted to hold her in my arms and tell her how I wished it was different, but did I truly wish it was different? Would it being different make it any better, make me any happier?

No matter what I was about to say to her, I was going to wait for her to say something first.

* * *

**Hahaha ok well, this sequel thing happened faster than I thought. So I was trying to sleep when I came up with another story line. I don't have everything down but I know how I want the story to start and end. I still have to think of some other stuff for this story, but here is a prologue for now. I don't know when the first chapter will be up. It might be up in a couple of days or in a couple of weeks. It all depends on my class schedule, work, and how long it takes me to write it lol. But for now here is something to get you guys thinking :)**

**Oh and I was planning on making this a mature story, but I realized that as an 18 year old I don't really have a very explicit mind and that I suck at writing that type of stuff so this will be rated Teen.** **lol**


	2. Firsts

_I stood in the middle of my parent's beautifully decorated backyard. There were candles standing on top of pillars, tables surrounding the dance floor I was standing on, and little lights were hanging above my head. "Wow" was all I could think. _

"_Alice how did you put these lights up here? Do you have magical powers that I didn't know about?" I reached up and touched one of the lights hanging directly above my head._

"_Don't touch that!" She screeched. "It took me hours to put those up. I didn't think the workers would do that good of a job, so I had to do it all by myself to make sure it was perfect."_

_I shook my head in awe, "You definitely outdid yourself."_

_She walked around me, straightening the utensils, pushing chairs in, even looking to make sure there was no dust. "Well, this is a very special moment for you two; it is special for all of us. It is like a sigh of relief, you two getting married. We have been so anxious all these years, wondering if you guys will ever end up together." She walked up to me and straightened my bow tie, "And now you two are finally together. Don't run out on her like you did to Lucy."_

_I pushed her hand away and continued walking around. She followed after me, standing on her toes so she can reach my hair, "Your hair is such a mess, Edward."_

"_Bella likes it."_

"_Bella has no say in this. Her fashion sense is just as much of a mess as your hair is. She would be wearing sweats instead of a wedding dress if she could." _

_Her name brought a smile to my lips. It seemed like it had been days since I last saw her. "She looks beautiful doesn't she?"_

"_She looks gorgeous. Of course, I am a miracle worker. Not that Bella is ugly or anything, it is just so hard to get her to agree to wear any amount of makeup." _

_She walked down a white carpet and stood underneath an arch. "This is where you will stand, but you will walk down once everyone is seated. It would be awkward having you stand there from the beginning. Alright, well you should go inside, guests will be arriving soon."_

* * *

_Emmett put his hand on my shoulder, trying to calm me down. "A couple years from now you are going to be wondering why the hell you were nervous on your wedding day. You are going to wish you had left when you had the chance," he whispered. _

_I shrugged his arm off and he started to laugh. "Oh don't tell Rose that, she would kill me. You know how she is now awadays. She would just blame it on her pregnancy and mood swings and probably get away with it."He stopped laughing once the music started._

_Rosalie and Alice walked down first, Rosalie wobbled more than walked. They were both wearing royal blue backless dresses. That was definitely not Bella's taste. My eyes averted back to the entrance of the house when I heard everyone turn around in their seats. My eyes widened as I took in the angel before me. Time seemed to completely stop, people disappeared. I didn't even notice her father's proud smile as she clung to his arm. My eyes were for her and only for her. _

_Once she felt like she could walk without looking at her feet, she looked up, her eyes immediately meeting mine. She was walking way too slow, I wanted her near me. I had to stop myself from running up to her, grabbing her, and running away. _

_Ten agonizing seconds later, she was standing next to me. "Hey," she smiled. _

"_Hi," I smiled back. I grabbed her hand and held it tight, my nerves suddenly fading. _

_The first part of the wedding flew by. Then we got to the vows. _

_I looked away from the priest and grabbed both of Bella's hands. This was just mine and her moment. I tried to ignore all of the eyes that were boring in to us._

_Once Bella's eyes met mine, I completely forgot that we weren't the only ones there. "Bella, I am so lucky to be marrying my best friend. I once said that it is very rare for two soul mates to find each other at such a young age, I still can't believe my soul mate has been with me from the very beginning. You are my other half, the one who took my hand and went through everything with me, the one who never gave up on me, and the one who completely understood me. You're beauty; love; kindness; and gentleness inspire me to be the best person I can be. I promise to love you and cherish you every single day of our lives._

_Tears started rolling down my face and I quickly wiped them away with a little laugh. _

"_Edward, I love you." Everyone started laughing thinking that that was the end of her vow. I wouldn't mind. I could live forever with just those words. _

_She gave an embarrassed giggle and then continued. "It's amazing how much we have said those words, without ever realizing the truth and depth to them. Well, I am so glad we finally realized. There is no one else I would rather spend my life with. I promise to stay with you till the very end. To be with you when you are in need, to cry with you, to have fun with you, and to grow with you in mind. I promise to love you for better and for worse, with all I have to give, in the only way I know how – completely and forever."_

_How was I so lucky to have her?_

* * *

"_Edward this is crazy!" Bella shrieked once we walked into the hotel room. I couldn't help but smile at her. We were married. She looked so cute in the soft pink spaghetti strapped dress she was wearing – Alice's doing, of course._

_I walked over and wrapped my arms around her waist from behind. She fell into me right away. "Bella, it is our honeymoon. I am in Bora Bora with the one woman I love. I am not crazy; I just want to give you the best. _

"_I would be fine with Florida."_

_Of course, Bella always wanted the simplest things. "For once can you not complain about how much I spent? It is our honeymoon." I paused I didn't know if I should continue, but it is better to get it over with now than later. "And there's a lot of other stuff left for you to see." I muttered._

_She turned around and poked me in the chest. "Are you telling me that you spent more money on me? Is having a hotel room in the water not enough for you?"_

"_Nothing is enough when it comes to you." I lowered my head and kissed her hair, the smell of strawberry shampoo enveloping my nose._

"_Fine I won't complain, but you can't spoil me too much. You don't want me getting used to it."_

"_Alright, alright. Let's see the rest of this place. _

_I held her hand as we walked around the living room. We went up the three little stairs to the bedroom and Bella gasped. Standing in the middle of the room was a white king sized bed with rose petals. The balcony next to it held the most beautiful view of the ocean, with stairs leading down to the water. Bella showed no interest in the balcony, her eyes still on the rose colored bed. _

_I tugged at her hand but she still didn't move. "Don't you want to see the rest of this place?"_

_She turned towards me, but she still showed no interest in anything else. Her face started to redden. "How about…we spend the rest of the day right here?" She nodded towards the bed._

_That was all I needed. I gave her hand another tug and she willingly threw herself against me. My hands went to her neck and then through her long silky hair. Her hands slowly and shakily unbuttoned my shirt – the whole time kissing me with the fiercest passion. I took my lips off hers to give her some air and she gave a small whimper. I couldn't help but smile. I still couldn't believe I had the same affect on her as she had on me. She brought my face back to hers when she had successfully taken my shirt off. Her hands sliding up and down my chest, the fire in me growing bigger and bigger. Our breathing started to get more erratic, our bodies yearning for each other. We continued kissing, clinging onto each other, letting our bodies take control until we both knew we couldn't contain it any longer. Finally giving into what we had been waiting for. _

"Edward, wake up." I came back to consciousness, feeling the massive bed underneath me. It wasn't the bed I had been dreaming about, but it was good enough. The warm hand touched my chest which brought a smile to my face. After one year, I still didn't get sick of that touch, or that voice that sounded so annoyed at the moment. "I know you are up. I can see that smile." I squeezed my eyes shut and she started to giggle as she slapped my chest. "Come on. You can't just lay there and dream all day. We have to go. Go get showered."

I opened my eyes and Bella was standing over me with wet hair and a towel wrapped tightly around her. "Mmmm." I mumbled.

She blushed, still not used to the fact that I found her beyond desirable. "No not now. We have to go." I ignored her, putting my hand behind her thigh and pushing her towards me. "Edward, come on. We are going to be late." I took my hand off her thigh and wrapped my arm around her waist, pulling her down on top of me. She tried to push herself off of me, but I quickly gave her a warm kiss.

"Morning," I breathed her in.

Her anger quickly disappeared as a smile replaced the frown. "Good morning." She kissed me back. "I would love to do this the whole day, but Rosalie will bite our heads off if we don't go," her lips were still hovering over mine.

I lifted my head and kissed her again. "It's just a birthday. They will live."

"It's Carmen's first birthday."

"It's our one year anniversary."

"It is your brother's only daughter's birthday."

"It is the day we got married."

She gave me a stern look and then got up. "She is a one year old. Her party won't go past two pm. She will probably fall asleep before that. I promise you that we will do something afterward, but right now, the whole family is over there and they will kill us if we do not show up."

"Why did they decide to have her on our wedding night?" I complained.

"Just be happy it was our wedding night and not our wedding day."

"Bella, you wanted Rosalie to have her on our wedding day. I saw the way you were staring at her stomach, like you were willing it to open up and have Carmen walk right out." I got up and walked towards the bathroom.

She shrugged, "you can't blame me. I wanted to have our first dance, but I knew that mine and Charlie's father daughter dance would be a nightmare, and it was."

She was right about that. The whole two minutes her and Charlie danced was made up of them tripping over each other and Charlie stepping on Bella's dress, or Bella stepping on Charlie's feet. I turned back towards the bathroom.

"Oh, wait." She took a step towards me before I closed the bathroom door. "Happy anniversary. I love you."

I couldn't just shut the door and continue with my shower after she said those three words. The three words that would constantly make my heart jump. I ran over to her and pressed my lips against hers. "I love you too…so so much." My nose skimmed her cheek and her breathing got louder.

"Ok, go shower right now or we will never get out of here," she whispered.

"I don't want to get out of here." I put my arms around her and pulled the towel down.

"Don't you feel guilty about this?" She asked in between the kisses. She must have felt guilty, but not enough to stop.

I looked up and shook my head. "I never feel guilty when I am doing stuff with you."

She closed her eyes and sighed. "You really need to stop saying stuff like that."

"What?" I went back to kissing her neck, not really interested in the answer.

"Because you know that I always fall for stuff like that." She let out a moan when I brought my lips back to hers.

"Exactly." I gave her a devilish grin as I pushed her back on the bed.

* * *

**So I hope you guys enjoyed the first chapter. The first half was just Edward dreaming about when him and Bella got married and then the honeymoon. And then the rest is self explainable. I will try to get the second chapter up soon, but I don't know how fast that will be. And I will try to make it long :)**

**Oh and I think this whole story will be in Edward's point of view. Maybe a chapter or two in Bella's but mostly it will be in Edward's.**


	3. Ready

We tiptoed our way into the baby infested backyard, hoping that if we were quiet they would think we were there all along. We were in no mood of having Rosalie yell at us for being a couple of minutes late...or a couple of hours. By the looks of some of the people that were leaving, the party was starting to end. There was no way that we went this long without someone mentioning us.

"Oh my God," Bella said in an awe mixed with disgusted tone once we were in the middle of the yard.

I looked up to see what she was staring at and started laughing. Rosalie and Emmett's backyard was completely covered in pink. There was pink confetti, pink plates, pink balloons, pink table cloths, pink banners, pink streamers…pink everything. They were definitely too excited for their daughters first birthday.

"Edward, don't step on the babies!" Bella pushed me out of the way of a crawling little boy. "We don't want to bring attention to ourselves."

"Glad it's the little boy you were worried about sweetie." I chuckled. She nudged me, urging me to continue walking.

We were about to quietly slip into a couple of empty chairs when Alice saw us. "Edward, Bella!" She waved us over. I shook my head and put my finger against my lips, but she looked past that. "Why are you guys sitting over there? Come here!" We grudgingly stood up and made our way to our four friends.

They all looked up at us as we neared them. Rosalie's smile vanished. "So where were you two?" Rosalie asked as she bounced a laughing Carmen on her lap. Carmen was a beautiful baby. She had Rosalie's blond, but Emmett's curly hair. Her eyes were an icy blue and her skin was as fair as a porcelain doll's. We constantly tried to convince Emmett to make her a model, but he refused, saying that some pervert would see her and try to kidnap her. I waved at her, trying to ignore Rosalie's question.

"We were sitting over there," Bella pointed to the table we were sitting at.

"I'm not stupid. You guys are late. We already ate lunch, opened the presents and ate cake. The party is basically over and you two just got here?"

"We woke up late." Bella tried, not wanting to face Rosalie's wrath.

Alice started to laugh, "Bella you are such a terrible liar. I called you way before you guys were supposed to come here. You said you were going to take a shower and then you were going to wake Edward up."

"You were supposed to wake him up hours ago and he "just" woke up? How do you wake him up, Bella?" Emmett asked. Bella blushed which made everyone laugh harder.

"Wait, are you blushing because you guys didn't come on time because you guys were _in _bed?" We didn't say anything. Rosalie threw Carmen into Jasper's arms and stood up. "You did not come to my baby's, your niece's, first birthday party because you two were having sex?! Esme is going to be pretty upset, Edward. They just left and she wanted to see you guys."

Emmett reached up and put his hand on Rosalie's arm. "Honey, there are babies crawling around here. Quiet down."

I put my hand around Bella's waist and drew her near me. "Rose give us a break, it's our anniversary."

Rosalie was the one to blush this time. "Oh…Edward I am so sorry. I completely forgot! You know how exciting it is to have a baby. I was so into the planning that I forgot it was also your anniversary. If I knew, I wouldn't have done it today." She walked over and pulled me and Bella into a hug.

"It's ok, we don't mind."

Everyone else took their turn to congratulate us and then Bella and I gave Carmen her present and sang our own happy birthday to her.

--

We were sitting in the living room drinking beers and watching a movie. Alice and Bella were sitting on the floor a few feet away, helping Carmen walk while Rosalie napped in Emmett's lap. I wasn't paying attention to the movie – too intrigued with the way Bella handled the baby. I couldn't help but smile every time I heard Bella laugh when Carmen did something funny. She was so good with children…then again, what wasn't she good at?

"So are you two planning on having one?" Jasper whispered, not wanting to wake Rosalie up.

"I don't know, we have only been married for a year. I don't know if she even wants one. Besides, I am so busy with work that when we do spend time with each other, we only want it to be us two. I just don't want her to regret anything." I continued to stare at her.

"Do you want a baby?"

"I'm not sure I want one right now."

"I think she wants one." He looked at Bella. "Look at the way she plays with Carmen, not only Carmen, but all the kids that were at the party today. She seems like she would be a very good mother. You should have one." He took a swig of his beer.

"Jasper, it's not that easy. It's not like going to an animal store and picking out a dog."

"No, it's easier. Just go into a bed and do what you did this morning." He snickered while I glared at him.

"I don't see you and Alice having one," I commented.

His smile turned into a smirk. "That's not fair. We were supposed to have one, remember? We are trying, it just isn't working out. We are thinking about adoption, though."

"Well that's great. Er, not that you two can't have a baby, but adopting is an excellent option."

Jasper nodded, "Alice really wants one. I am willing to do anything to make her happy."

"What are you guys talking about?" Bella asked over her shoulder as she continued to play with Carmen.

"How you and Edward should have a baby," Jasper answered. Bella turned around and raised her eyes brows. I just shrugged.

"That's terrific! Maybe we can get pregnant at the same time!" Alice ran over and jumped in Jasper's lap. "That would be so cute! While you two are at work, Bella, Rose, and I can take the babies to the park and go shopping with them."

I rolled my eyes and reached out to Bella. She snuggled up next to me after she picked up Carmen, who was nodding off, and placed her in the play pen.

"So you are thinking of having a baby?" She smiled.

"Well, no I wasn't thinking about it. We were just talking about how you are so good with kids and how you would be a good mother." I kissed the top of her head. "We can wait as long as you want, though." She smiled again and kissed my shoulder, making me relax even more than I already was.

"It's funny how Bella ended up being good with kids. Remember in junior high, when we had to bring that baby home?" Alice asked. Bella groaned and hid her head underneath my arm. I remember when Edward told me that story, I couldn't stop laughing for hours.

"And you guys couldn't stop making fun of me for days," Bella grumbled.

"Well, that's because you went crazy after having that doll for a couple of hours," Jasper laughed.

"It was set on hard!" Bella defended.

"_So Bella, Justin, Edward, Morgyn and Henry, you five will have these baby dolls over the three day weekend. You all have it set on easy, but one of you has it set on hard. Remember, you have to immediately meet the baby's needs once it starts crying. It will wake you up when you are sleeping, so don't get scared when you wake up in the middle of the night to a baby screaming. You can't drop the baby or neglect it. If you do, I will find out. You have to support its head and put it to sleep properly. Since you do have it longer than others, if the baby becomes too bothersome you can disable it by pulling the battery out. If you do pull the battery out, you will fail this project, so only pull it out if you really can't stand it. That's about it…good luck." Ms. McKinley turned around with a smile on her face._

"_So what are you going to name your baby?" I asked Bella as we walked home, dragging our diaper bags behind us._

"_Nothing, what's the point of naming something plastic? I will be returning it in three days."_

"_Do you think it will be hard?"_

"_No, it's a doll Edward. You stick the key into its back until it stops crying and that's it." I agreed, thinking that this was going to be a piece of cake. _

_We said our goodbyes by Bella's house and then I made my way into my house. I got through dinner and homework without the baby crying once. It was three in the morning when the baby cried. I stuck the key in its back, half asleep, and waited till the it was "fed." I felt the baby slipping through my hands when my phone rang. _

"_Hello?" _

"_How many times did your baby cry?" Bella sounded exhausted._

"_Twice, why?"_

"_Twice?! My baby cried eight times!" She complained._

"_Oh I thought it was going to be easy?" I laughed._

"_I am going to stuff the baby in my closet for the rest of the night."_

"_Bella…you won't get a good..." Dial tone. I dropped the phone and went back to sleep. _

_The next morning I woke up and made my way to Bella's house for breakfast, like I did every Saturday. I opened the door and made my way through the house, knowing that no one would care. I walked towards Bella's room, planning on waking her up, but when I opened the door I burst out in laughter. There was Bella, sitting on the bed with the baby in her hands. She looked like she hadn't slept the whole night. _

"_It won't sleep. It keeps crying…I think I have the hard one." She complained. The baby stopped crying after a while and Bella let out a sigh of relief. She looked at the clock and groaned. "Can I sleep for half an hour before we eat? I am so tired." I nodded and went over to sleep next to her._

_Ten minutes later the baby started crying again. "Ugh!" Bella jumped off the bed and grabbed the baby._

_My eyes widened, "don't do it Bella." _

_She stared at me then looked back at the baby. "I can't do this anymore!" She turned the baby on its stomach and pulled the battery out of the back._

"_You killed it! You know you will fail now." _

"_It doesn't matter, as long as I get to sleep." _

"_You are a terrible mother." I shook my head, picking up the baby and placing it on the bed._

"I was only fourteen when that happened and it was a doll. I wouldn't have actually killed it if it was a real baby. Besides, I don't even think babies are that bad. That was like a demon baby doll." Bella argued.

I pulled her back out from under my arms and gave her a kiss on those cute pouted lips. "It's ok sweetie, no one was good at everything as a kid."

"You were," she said confidentially.

"That's because I had you by my side, I had to impress someone," I smiled.

"You guys are so gross when you are being cute with each other," Emmett finally spoke up.

"Says the man who was about to make love to his wife in front of us a couple days ago." He threw a pillow at me but I easily caught it.

"We were drunk, and we don't really get alone time with Carmen around and everything."

"You could have just told us to leave," Jasper commented.

"Ok, how about you guys leave now? My wife had a good little nap and my baby is finally asleep. It's time for me to have my own fun."

"Gross Emmett, we don't need to hear every single detail." Bella grimaced as she stood up, reaching down for me.

--

The ride home was quiet. I looked over at Bella who was deep in thought. She had a small smile on while she was staring out the window. I took my hand off the wheel and put it on her leg. She looked away from the window and from the corner of my eye, I saw her staring at me, her smile bigger as she reached down and held my hand.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked.

She sighed, so used to my favorite question. "Always so worried, Edward," she joked.

I shook my head, "no, not worried, just curious." I turned around and smiled at her, urging her on. It worked. As that blush started rising, she started to talk.

"I was just thinking about when we got married, and how amazing this past year has been." She looked down lovingly at the wedding bands that were on our fingers. "I am so lucky to have you, Edward. I don't think anyone else can love me as much as you do." She lifted her other hand and placed it on my cheek. Her touch always bringing a new sensation along with it. I closed my eyes for a second, taking it all in. I was the lucky one. The most beautiful, loving, compassionate woman was married to me, and she loved me more and more as each day passed.

I lifted our entwined hands and placed a soft kiss on the back of hers. "I love you, Bella."

I parked in the driveway and quickly jumped out and opened Bella's door. She started to giggle, the sound like music to my ears. I raised an eyebrow, "what?"

"After one year and still a perfect gentleman. Guys usually stop doing that after a couple of months."

"I'm not the typical guy. You should know that by now." I offered her my hand and she took it, pulling herself out of the car.

"I know that, and I am so lucky for that." She placed her small hands on my face and pulled my head down, making my heart beat sound like a drum, just with the simple touch of her lips. She pulled away, but her hands were still on my face. I looked at her face, she looked so peaceful. Her long hair was blowing in the warm wind. Her cheeks a little flushed, her lips showing a hint of a smile. She looked so beautiful.

_"Edward, if you stand like this," She stood facing me with her little arms stretched out, "and close your eyes, the wind makes you feel like you are flying!" I turned around to see what Bella was talking about, but I stopped in my tracks. The little light from the sunset was shining down on her. With the wind flapping around, her arms stretched out like that, and the sun shining down on her, she looked beautiful._

_"Bella, you look like an angel." I whispered in awe. I was too afraid to get closer, thinking that I would ruin this beautiful vision._

That's what she looked like right now. The light from the porch was making her glow, and the sight of her peaceful face, could have made me believe that she had come straight from heaven. I did believe she was from heaven.

"Do you know how desirable you look right now?" I whispered, not wanting to ruin her peace. She opened her eyes and stared right into mine. It felt like those dark orbs were looking into the depths of my soul. I couldn't stop the shiver that traveled down my spine. "Let's go inside," I mumbled dragging her along with me. I didn't want the neighbors calling the police for what we were about to do.

Bella locked the door and turned around into my arms. I pushed her against the door and placed gentle kisses down her neck. "I'm sorry we didn't do anything too special today," she panted.

I kissed my way back up to her lips, "it's ok, I have you now." She relaxed and placed her arms around my neck, deepening the kiss.

"Edward," she whispered, caressing my cheeks. "Edward," she opened her eyes, they were full of emotion, an emotion I didn't understand. "I think…I think I am ready."

* * *

**So I hope you guys liked it. Please Review! Thanks for reading!**

* * *


	4. Selfish

We tiptoed our way into the baby infested backyard, hoping that if we were quiet they would think we were there all along

I pulled away and stood back to get a better look of her. My quick movement made her frown. I sighed and took a step back towards her, holding both of her hands in mine. "What?" I wasn't sure what I was asking. I didn't really know what she was even talking about; still dizzy from the passionate kiss we just shared.

"I think I am ready," she repeated.

"Bella, I don't know what you are talking about. Ready for what exactly?"

She looked nervous as she walked me to the loveseat. "I should have been clearer."

I scooted closer and hugged her to me. "It's ok, take your time."

"Edward, I am ready to have a baby," she rushed. My hand that was rubbing her back paused, my body tensed. She noticed and pulled away, her eyes full of worry. She didn't say anything, waiting for me to answer, but I didn't know what to say. After a few minutes of silence, I decided it was time for me to say something.

"Bella, I think we should wait."

Her lip quivered, but she forced herself to stay strong. "Why? We have known each other for years. We have been married for a year. Why should we wait?"

"Right now, I am so busy with work. When I do come home I look forward to spending time with you. With a baby, we will never have alone time. I don't want our marriage to fall apart because of that." I didn't even bother looking at her; I already know she would have that disappointed look.

"Emmett and Rosalie have a baby and they are still very much in love with each other."

"Emmett works from home, he is always there for Rose."

"Edward, you will be a doctor for the rest of your life. If we can't have a baby now, when will we have a baby?" Her voice shook.

"I work at the emergency room, Bella. I get called in at the craziest times. Some days I am at the hospital for days. How can I just leave you here taking care of a baby, while I am constantly at work? I should be here for you incase something happens." I took a deep breath and finally looked at her. Her eyes were on the floor. I lifted her chin with my hand, forcing her to look at me. "Give me a couple of years. I am planning on starting a private practice. With a private practice, I will only be at work from eight to three everyday. I will be able to be here for you and the baby."

"A couple of years? How much is that exactly?"

I wiped away here tears that were slowly falling, internally swearing at myself for making her cry. "I really don't know," I admitted.

She nodded and pushed my hands away. I tried to reach for her but she stood up. "Where are you going?"

"I need some time to myself. I'm going to bed."

I stood up in front of her, grabbing her hands. "Bella, please do not distance yourself. I'm being honest with you. I think this is better and it will make us both happier in the long run. I love you. I don't want you in pain."

She was still avoiding looking at my eyes. "I know that. I just want some alone time. I respect what you think, and I am not going to argue with you or distance myself. I just want to be alone."

"How about I come up with you and we talk about it some more?" I didn't want to leave her alone, especially not on our anniversary.

She kissed my cheek, still avoiding my eyes. "I am respecting your wishes. Please respect mine." She pulled her hands out of mine and went up the stairs.

I followed up the stairs but passed the bedroom door, heading straight to the guest bedroom. I wanted to understand what she was feeling, but I really couldn't get why she was so upset. I wanted to have a baby, but I was scared. I was scared of our marriage falling apart. If we had a baby now, all of our attention would be focused on the baby and not us. That wouldn't be a problem if I wasn't working as much, but with the little time Bella and I had to spend with each other, having a baby would make it even more impossible for us.

I woke up the next morning with a pounding head and an aching back, the worst sleep I had in months. I turned around expecting to see Bella sleeping next to me, but I was met by empty pillows instead. That's right; I was in the guest bedroom. I lifted my head up a bit and I saw Bella standing by the door.

"Why are you sleeping here?"

"You said you wanted time to yourself." I answered groggily.

"I meant a couple of hours, not the whole night. You know I get anxious when you aren't sleeping with me." I noticed that she looked just as tired as I felt. I pushed the covers down and opened up my arms for her. She hesitated but then gave in, wrapping her arms around me and putting her head on my chest. I closed my eyes, delighting in the pleasure from the warmth of her cheeks.

"Bella, I want you to confide in me. I don't want us to end up like this, sleeping in different beds because we want alone time."

"I know, and I'm sorry. I should have talked to you about it some more instead of pushing away from you like that."

"You want to talk about it now?" I offered.

"No I'm fine. I thought about it and I do understand why you don't want to have one right now. It would be hard not having you here all the time to help out. I can wait." She planted a small kiss on my chest.

"We will have one, I promise. You just need to give me time so that I can get settled with work."

"Another guys day in! Edward, I am surprised that you called for once wanting to hang out. Isn't this the last day of your vacation?" Emmett asked as he sprang through the door with Carmen in one arm and a case of beer in the other. Jasper quietly followed him inside. "So what is up with the spur of the moment hang out?" He asked, shoving the beer into my arms.

"Bella wasn't up to doing anything, so I suggested she should hang out with the girls tonight. She thought it was a great idea and told me that I should invite you and Jasper over."

Jasper squinted at me like he was trying to decipher something. "You and Bella try to spend as much time with each other as possible. It's your last day of your vacation, why aren't you doing the usually romantic things you do with her?" I ignored him as I turned around and placed the beer on the kitchen counter, hoping that by the time I walked back into the room he would forget.

"Edward, so what is going on?" He pushed. Of course, Jasper was not Emmett. He always noticed the obvious and he never forgot.

"Something happened last night and I upset Bella." Emmett looked up from the stack of DVDs he was sorting through, staring at me menacingly. He always warned me that he would kill me if I ever hurt Bella…even if he is _my _brother. "It's no big deal. She is fine now, but I can tell she is still upset. I thought that she would forget about it if she hung out with Alice and Rose for a bit." Right then Bella walked in and we all pretended to do something.

"Are you sure this is ok? I could stay home if you want me to. You did take this week off to spend more time with me."

I went over and put my arms around her waist. "I spent everyday this week with you. Alice is starting to get mad because she doesn't get to see her best friend as much. As much as I would love to spend every single hour with you, I know Alice wouldn't allow it." I gently pushed her hair and kissed her forehead. "Have fun. I love you."

"I love you too," she smiled.

I was walking with her to the door when Carmen crawled over and touched her leg. "Hey there!" Bella bent down and picked her up, Carmen immediately snuggled against her. My heart started to ache, knowing that Bella would be even more loving with a daughter of her own. I looked away, not wanting Bella to notice that I felt bad. I didn't need her to get all worried thinking that I thought I was hurting her, even though I did. She placed Carmen back on the floor and stared longingly after her as she crawled back to her dad.

She looked back up at me with a smile that looked too wide…too forced. "So I'll see you later. Have fun guys!" She called out to Emmett and Jasper.

I walked through the sliding door and to the patio where Jasper and Emmett were sitting. Emmett handed me a beer on my way to the chair. Carmen was crawling around trying to catch lightening bugs.

"So what happened?" Jasper asked. Emmett eyed Jasper curiously, he probably already forgot what Jasper was even talking about.

I sighed and leaned back into my chair. "She wants to have a baby, and I don't want one right now."

"Why? You both are great with kids. Rosalie and I are always impressed by the way you handle Carmen." He pointed toward the laughing baby.

"I do want one, I just don't want one right now. I am so busy with work that sometimes I go days without seeing Bella. The little time we do see each other is spent between us. Imagine if we had a baby. I would never be able to spend time with Bella or the baby. I'm scared that it might ruin our relationship. I want to wait until I start my private practice."

"That's understandable," Jasper agreed. "Although, I do understand why Bella would be upset. I know she is a great wife and she probably does agree with you, but that doesn't mean she is not upset."

"I still feel terrible about it."

"Don't, I think it is better. If you have a baby now, Bella will be stressed out and you will just blame yourself for working so much."

"So I'm not a bad husband?" I joked.

"No she is just a better wife," Emmett interrupted. "I think you guys would be fine with a baby, but I can't say anything because I am always here for Rose. If you will be more comfortable knowing you are around more then wait. As long as you and Bella both agree to it. Don't make it a one way relationship. Neither of you will be happy if it is only you making the decisions."

"She said she is fine." I played around with the beer bottle in my hands, knowing that Bella has said she was fine many times just so she can make me happy.

Emmett nodded, "as long as you guys are communicating then that's fine."

Jasper started to laugh. "Emmett you and Rose barely ever communicate. It is like she is talking to a brick wall."

"We have our own ways of communicating, ways that shouldn't be talked about in front of my baby," Emmett smirked.

We spent the rest of the night on the patio, drinking and talking. The sky started to darken and I felt myself dozing off when I felt two hands on my shoulders. I craned my neck and saw Bella hovering over me.

"Why are you home so early?" I slurred. I looked around and noticed that Jasper was reading a book of mine and Emmett was sleeping with Carmen on his lap.

"I missed you. Should we wake him up and send him home?" She nodded towards Emmett.

Jasper looked up from the book he was reading. "Hey Bella, can I go home now?"

She laughed as she started to massage my shoulders. I leaned into her hands. "Yes, you can go home now." Emmett woke up looking confused. Bella laughed again, "and take him with you." Emmett got up, carrying Carmen in his arms. "Oh wait!" She ran over and gave Carmen a tender kiss on the cheek, smoothing her hair out of her face.

Bella watched them go as I collected the beer bottles. Again, I saw the longing in her eyes. I knew exactly what she was thinking. How wonderful it would be to have a baby of our own. To be able to pick him up and carry him to his room, kiss him goodnight. I frowned, knowing that it was all my fault. I could easily just say let's have a baby. I am the one stopping her from having one, but at the same time I was selfish. I didn't want to share Bella, especially since I barely saw her myself. I shook my head at how stupid I was being. I was putting myself before Bella, even though I was constantly trying to convince myself that it would be better for the both of us.

She turned around once they were out of site and took some of the beer bottles from my hands. We both walked into the kitchen and threw them away, standing around silently and awkwardly, not knowing what to say. She finally sighed and walked over to me, giving me a chaste kiss.

"I'm going to bed. You should too. You are at work all day tomorrow."

"I'll be right up." I wanted to talk to my mom alone.

"Ok, but don't you dare sleep in the guest bedroom. I want you sleeping right next to me." She gave me another kiss and then went up the stairs.

I waited until I knew she was upstairs and in bed and then I reached for the phone.

"Hey mom," I answered before she had a chance to say anything.

"Edward? Isn't it late? Is something wrong?" She sounded worried.

"No everything is fine. It isn't too late for you, is it?"

"No, I am waiting for your father to come home from the hospital."

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Your father?" She asked fearfully.

"No, I want to talk about working at the hospital, being a father and a good husband all at the same time." I walked over to the couch and sat down, knowing that this conversation would take a while. "Mom, Bella wants to have a baby. I don't know how that will work out. My schedule is so busy. I only see Bella for a couple hours a day. I am afraid that if we have a baby, we will start drifting away from each other. She will always be busy with the baby, and I will be busy at work. When I come home, she will still be busy with the baby and I will have to help. We will never have time to ourselves." I gasped, "what if we have twins? There is no way it would work out if we had twins. We would be in big trouble."

Esme listened patiently while I rambled and waited until I was completely finished to speak. "Well, it's different for every couple. Your father worked close by, so he would come home during his lunch breaks. I was home the whole day so it wasn't that hard. Every time your father and I wanted time alone, we would call up a babysitter or let friends take care of you and Emmett. It was hard, I won't lie about that, but we made it."

"I don't know if it will work out. Mom…I am really selfish. I want Bella all to myself, and the time we spend together is special because we don't have much of it anymore."

"Does Bella know?"

"Parts, she doesn't really know I am mainly doing this for myself."

"I can't tell you what to do. This is up to you and Bella. Each couple is different and each couple reacts to something differently. If you think that is what is best then you should wait."

"But I know it hurts Bella. She really wants a baby, and I think it hurts her even more because of the fact that Alice wants one and can't have one, but we can easily have one but I don't want to." I croaked, I hated talking about anything that hurt Bella.

Esme was quiet for a couple of seconds but then she spoke up, "then you have to think about which one is more important, your selfishness or Bella's happiness."

I crawled under the covers feeling worse than I did before I called Esme. The conversation didn't help at all since all my mother said was that it is different for every couple. Bella sleepily turned around and placed her hand on my cheek.

"Are you ok?" I pulled her closer to me and wrapped my arms around her.

"Yea, I just need some sleep." I kissed her, but ended it quickly, feeling guilty about what I just admitted to my mother.

* * *

**Hey guys! Sorry that took a while to put up. Ummm...sorry if there are any spelling errors or anything like that. Please read and review. Enjoy!  
**


	5. Guilt

I woke up the next morning feeling worse than I went to sleep. Over the course of a week, I had realized something that made me very sad. I realized something that I would never want to admit to Bella – I did not want kids. I never saw myself as a father. I always saw myself as a husband and a doctor, but never as a father. I had learned that children were not meant for me. Bella was the type who can have children and care for them, but as for me, I just did not like them. I loved my niece, and I loved taking care of children at the hospital, but that was it. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life taking care of someone else. I was always content with just taking care of Bella. The shock of of this abrupt realization paralyzed me to the bed. This was not something I could hide from Bella for the rest of my life. This was the kind of thing that led to argument after argument, and sometimes even resulted in divorce. I ran my hand through my hair and slowly walked throughout the house. Bella was already gone. I sighed remembering it was a weekday, she was already at work. I absentmindedly walked around the house not knowing what to do on my day off, everyone was at work. I reached for my phone on the coffee table and called the only person I could think off.

"Hello?" A groggy speaker asked on the other end.

"Hey…it's Edward. I'm sorry if I woke you but I needed someone to talk to and you were the only person I could think to call. I know things have been rough with us but is it ok if we meet up for coffee or something?" I asked as I rubbed my neck feeling very stupid for doing this.

"Yeah of course. Ill meet you at the coffee shop by your old place." The speaker answered, shocked.

I quickly said my goodbyes and hung up. Bella was not going to like this. I showered and changed, and started shaving. For no reason at all, I found I wanted to look nice for her. I felt like I had something to prove.

* * *

I sat at the table closest to the door, one hand strumming on the table, while the other folded under my chin. I saw her before she walked in. Wearing shorts and a tank top, Lucy walked in looking beautiful like always. She quickly noticed me and sat across from me without saying a word.

"Your hair grew," I blurted, not knowing how to break the awkward silence.

She laughed, "well Edward, it has been a little more than a year since you left me at the altar."

I grimaced hoping she would not have brought that up. "Sorry Luce, I thought you would forget about that."

Lucy laughed again as she got more comfortable in her seat. "It's ok Edward I completely understood why you did it. It was better for the both of us, and as you can see I am engaged," she fanned her hand in front of my face. I caught a whiff of her lotion, reminding me of all the times when I would hold her. I smiled at the fact that that smell did not phase me at all. I had made the right decision in picking Bella.

I shook my head. "Really? That's great!"

"Yeah it really is. He's a great guy and we both want the same thing, ya know?" I sighed, I wanted the same things as her too. "So why are you here Edward? Not that I mind, of course. It's great to talk to you and not have anything awkward between us, but I can tell something is up. Did you and Bella leave each other already?"

I ignored her last question, wondering where to start. "Bella wants to have children really badly. The problem is...I really don't want children. My whole life I knew two things, I knew I was going to make a great husband and a great doctor, but I never even considered kids. I love Bella, and I want to spend every minute of my free time with her, and it feels like if I had a child, I would have to share that time with the baby." I paused and ran my hands through my messy hair. "I mean call me selfish, but she is the most important person in my life. I don't want to spend my life being tired at work and then coming home and being tired at home too. I just want to come home to a quiet house and to my wife. I am completely happy with that. I don't see why she isn't happy with me. I don't get why I am not enough for her." I lowered my voice feeling more ashamed. "I tried talking to my mom but I felt even worse after talking to her. You always understood me and you are great at giving advice, so I was thinking maybe you can help."

I looked up from the table and saw Lucy giving me a sad smile. It was as if she was telling me that I wouldn't have this problem if I was with her. She leaned forward, putting her weight on her forearms. "Edward...I don't think you will like what I am going to say, but you came here for some advice and I will give it to you. "If you love Bella as much as you say you do, and I am positive that you do, then you will do anything in your power to make her happy. As your wife, Bella should be a part of you. Seeing her upset should make you upset, and seeing her happy should make you happy. Even if it isn't something you may want now, or ever, you should at least consider it and really think about having a baby with her. I get that maybe children aren't for you, but they obviously are for Bella. Sometimes we have to do things that we aren't particularly fond of for the people we love. I am sure Bella doesn't like the long hours you work at the hospital. Sometimes you are gone for days but does she complain? No she does not because she knows that is what you love and she would never even think about taking that away from you because she loves you. Well, the same should go for you. Besides you never know, once that baby comes out you might fall in love with it. You won't even mind sharing your time with Bella because that baby will have stolen your heart." She finished speaking and sat back in her chair.

I stared at her confused. "I thought you didn't want kids."

Lucy shrugged, "I really don't but if John ever wanted kids as bad as Bella does then I would give them to him. Seeing him happy would make me happy. That is all that matters to me. That is all that should matter to you."

I stared at my pale hands afraid to say what I was about to say next. "I'm scared Lucy."

"I know you are. You don't want to lose all your time with Bella, but to be honest, you guys will probably end up having this bond that you have never had before. You will fall even more in love with her - if that is possible."

"I am also scared of being a bad father." I blew out the air that I was holding in.

Lucy snorted, "Edward you are the last person who should worry about that. You were an amazing boyfriend. It is also obvious that you are an amazing husband. You have always taken care of everyone in your life. You take care of strangers. You are so sweet, generous, and kind to everyone. What makes you think you wont be that with your own child?"

"Because I will hate them for taking Bella away from me."

Lucy threw her hands up in the air. "No one is going to take her away from you Edward! She will be a mother, her children will be her priority, but you are the love of her life. That will never ever change."

* * *

As I sat against the tree, I closed my eyes and let the warm breeze dance across my face. Lucy had given me a lot to think about. I agreed with her on the part where I should do everything in my power to make Bella happy, but what about me? Wasn't I supposed to be happy? How was it fair that She could always be happy in life, and I had to suffer in order to make her happy? Shouldn't she consider not having children to make me happy? I leaned my head against the tree, annoyed with myself. I knew Bella always wanted kids. I knew she wanted them just as much as I wanted to be a doctor. I knew this ever since the year before I met Lucy.

_"I hate kids!" I whispered towards Bella, aggravated that she made me help her watch this little devil child. We had been sitting at Chuck E Cheese for only ten minutes and I was already ready to tear my own hair out. _

_"Come on Edward, Riley is not that bad," Bella said as she eyed the little blond boy warily. She quickly stood up and ran after him once she saw that he was trying to steal tickets from a much younger girl. She walked back looking sad. I couldn't help but laugh. "What did you expect me to say to his mother? No I will not take care of your son while you go give birth to your child? Her water had already broke when she asked me. I couldn't say no!"_

_"Okay okay," I laughed. "Just make sure not to ask me to help you next time. Its kids like him that make me hate children."_

_Bella sat back down and put her head on my shoulder. "It's not that bad. Well, I don't think it is as bad when it is your own kids. Yeah sometimes they can be a pain in the ass, but in the end it is worth it. Just seeing a child smile brings tears to a parent's eyes. I think there is more pros to having kids than cons."_

_I shook my head, "Nope I do not see any of that."_

_She slid her arm around and poked me. "Come on Edward, kids aren't that uncontrollable." She looked out at all the kids playing. "I can't wait to have my own. Someone to rely on me when they need me. Someone that I can raise and teach what is wrong and what is right. Someone that is a part of me that I can love."_

_"Since when did you want kids that bad?" I asked_

_She shrugged, "I have always wanted kids. I think I will be a good mom. Don't you think?"_

_"I do."_

I barely ever regretted marrying Bella, but it was times like these when I did. I felt like someone else can make her happy, someone who can give her everything she wants and needs. I turned my head towards the sidewalk when I heard that familiar laugh. I saw Bella by the front porch helping a little girl ride her bike.

"It's okay if you fall off. Don't give up. Just keep trying till you get better. Promise me you will keep trying?" I heard Bella say to the little kid. After the kid left, Bella turned towards the park and saw me staring. She waved while giving me a questioning look. I waved back letting her know I would be in soon.

I wasn't ready to face Bella, not with all the thoughts lurking in my mind. I wiped the dirt and ants off my legs and walked towards the car. I was going somewhere Bella would not like, not this early in the day. I was on a role for doing things that would upset Bella today. Strangely, that thought did not give me pleasure but made me sick to my stomach...yet I continued to walk towards the car.


	6. Thoughts

Pete's Bar is a small room with a couple of tables and a bar at the front. It is dark and usually very quiet. It's the kind of bar that you only see old alcoholic men sitting at the bar looking drowsy. It is a place that none of my friends like except for me, and that is why I came to love it. I knew that if I came here no one would follow me, and no one would bother talking to me. I could sit in a corner all day and night and not have one soul come up to me and ask me a question. At times like this, this is the place I come to. I let the door shut behind me, hearing the little bells jingle as I walked towards the bar. Pete, the man who owned the bar, stood there in a stained button down shirt, unshaven, and with a rag in his hand. He barely ever talked and I liked that. I quietly told him I wanted a whiskey and waited for him to pour it out, completely ignoring the voice in my head that was telling me the last time I drank whiskey was when everyone was at the bar and I got angry at Bella. That was a long time ago, I thought to myself, so I shook it off. I quickly grabbed my drink and walked to the abandoned table in the corner.

I didn't need a book or a laptop to keep me busy, all I needed were my thoughts and I had a lot of them. I felt my phone buzzing in my pocket and I knew it was Bella, so i did not bother to answer. A few minutes later it buzzed again and I saw that it was a text.

_Hey sweetie just wanted to make sure you are ok. Saw you by the tree and next minute you were gone? When are you coming home?_

I frowned. I hated lying to Bella but I knew she would be angry if I told here where I was at. One little lie wouldn't hurt.

_Im fine I was just doing some thinking. Got called in at the hospital. Ill be home ASAP. _

I turned off the phone knowing I was not going to be bothered till I got home. Sitting back in my chair I finally allowed myself to think. I loved Bella, that was without a doubt, but did I love her enough to have children with her? No, I wouldn't let myself believe that. You can love someone enough and not want children. I love her enough but I don't want children. So why not be honest with her and tell her I don't want kids? I knew the answer to that one. I was scared. What if I told her and I hurt her? What if I told her and she left me? I didn't want neither of those to happen but it was inevitable. It was either have me suffer or have her suffer. I was so deep in thought that I did not notice Pete standing by my chair until I heard the clank of the whiskey bottle against the table. Pete, without a word walked back to the bar and then looked up.

"You look troubled. Thought I'd give you the rest. It's on me." I gave him a tired smile and poured myself some more whiskey.

When I woke up my head was hurting and it was dark. I lifted my head and found that I was still in the bar, with several drunk men in the same position as I was. I looked at my watch and saw that it was nearly two. I had been gone for almost ten hours. Jumping out of my seat I grabbed my keys and ran to the car. I made sure that I was sober enough to drive, and oddly enough it felt like most of the alcohol had left my body. Making sure to follow the speed limit I quickly drove home.

I threw off my shoes at the front door and when I looked up Bella was sitting on the couch staring at me. The TV was off and so were the lights, she was waiting for me. Even in the dark I could see she looked beautiful. Her long brown hair was still wet from her shower and her cheeks pink. She was wearing a short nightdress with her arms crossed across her chest, and she looked mad. I smiled, loving how sexy she looked when she was mad. She never seemed to get angry enough and when she did it made me lust for her even more.

"You look pissed," I laughed.

"This is not funny. Where have you been?" She was still sitting there.

I had suddenly forgotten where I was supposed to be, my only answer was a deer in headlights stare. She raised one of her eyebrows still waiting for me to answer. "Were you at work, Edward?"

I sighed with relief, "yes baby I was at work."

"Mmhmm" She stood up and walked towards me, arms still crossed. "So why does your breath smell like alcohol?"

"Me and a couple of coworkers stopped to get a drink." I leaned down and kissed her collar bone, and she finally uncrossed her arms. I pulled her towards me and wrapped my arms around her waist. I felt her do the same.

"I missed you. I came home early hoping to spend some time with you."

My lips twitched. I could have been spending the day with her, but instead I went and got drunk. "I'm sorry I wish I could have. I missed you too." I gave her neck a kiss as I felt her skin get hot under my lips. I continued kissing knowing where this would lead. "I missed you so much," I whispered. Her grip around me got tighter. I picked her up and she wrapped her legs around me. She kissed every part of my skin, making it feel like it was on fire.

I made my way to the stairs and carefully climbed up as Bella was still in my arms, her head buried into my neck. The smell of her shampoo and perfume was intoxicating, making me feel more drunk than the beer.

I gently laid her on the bed and looked down at her. She looked like an angel with her hair fanned around her head. I knew at the minute that I had to have her. Everything else became a blur to me. The words that Bella mumbled became nothing but silent whispers as her nightgown slid to the floor.


End file.
